The sun is shining, so why is my heart sad? The birds are out filling the trees, so why do tears still line my eyes? I am tired and worn. I feel fake. I wear a mask of togetherness and joy, but inside I am beaten down.
I want to pray but what am I praying to? I think I believe that God exists, he has to. Who else would paint the sunsets every night and let the intricate snow flakes fall peacefully from the sky? While I know all of that, I can't help but struggle with the difficulty of faith. I don't know how to believe, how to have faith, or how to trust. I feel like I fail God and that He sees right through me, yet I don't know how to change myself.
My own words confuse me, but they are how I feel. I am truly hoping this is just a phase caused by a lack of sunlight.
On a positive note, I bought chocolate and Vitamin D capsules.
Please say a prayer for me. I just want life to slow down. I want to cherish the moments rather than floating through them. God, I need your help.
Thanks for listening to my rant, friends. Peace.
Here's a favorite picture from my recent trip to Jamaica. A beautiful piece of creation to make my heart smile.
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